ABUSERS
AMONG US
It is fundamentally true
that within the BDSM community are physical, emotional
and mental abusers. The numbers appear to be fairly small
but tracking or identifying these abusers within this
community is very hard. When their mask does fall away
enough for others to identify them it is often too late
for the subs they have victimized. Within this community
open and freely exchanged communication is essential.
Those that limit or attempt to limit this communication
or attempt to isolate their subs from contact with others
should be heavily scrutinized. If the Dominant cannot
trust their sub with open, clear information then either
they are controlling the flow of information to direct or
pervert that sub's understanding or their self esteem is
so low that they cannot allow anything which conflicts
with what they say to enter into it. This indicates a
closed mind. The protection of ugly secrets is dangerous
and damaging. If a person attempts to hide something it
generally means they have something to hide.
Members of this community
are far more vulnerable to being accused of abuse than
any other minority community existent. Because of that
the community tends to talk about abuse and consent a
lot. The line between BDSM and abuse is
consent.
Misrepresentation, deceit, failure to be honest in any
form in order to attract, lure or seduce someone into a
controlled position simply to proceed with no interest or
regard for that individual's consent is abuse. Finding
and identifying abusers and policing our community is our
job. Within the BDSM community networks exist. People
gossip, share information, warn each other. What we do is
dangerous, illegal and unacceptable by society. This does
not mean we are people without good instincts, morality
or strong ethical character. Tolerance of nonconsensual
play is 0%. If you or anyone you know of is in a
nonconsensual situation it is important to understand
that this is not D/s. If you are a submissive and someone
injures you. Tell the other sub's or Dominant's in your
area. Prevent this predator from victimizing again and
again.
The best line of defense
is communication. Isolation is one of the primary tools
used by an abuser. A good Dominant will encourage the
external life of their submissive desiring for that
submissive to remain well rounded, with interests,
hobbies, a career etc. If a person is causing you
physical, mental or spiritual harm then they are not
acting as a positive force in your life. If the results
of your activities leave you injured, feeling subhuman or
afraid and detached from your beliefs . . . get help!
Many of the people within
this community are abuse survivors. They have NO desire
to be re-victimized. When a person identifying themselves
as a dominant uses language such as 'my victims' they are
expressing something which can be felt to be an abusive
trigger. We do not make 'victims' of our submissives. To
consider a submissive as discardable, a throw away,
incidental and unimportant are huge clues that something
is very wrong with that person. We are sensitive to
language and we do weed out and find these predators.
They have no welcome mat here.
