You have met,
physically. Maybe after a long on-line and phone
communication. You are full of ideas, thoughts, concerns.
Your submissive/slave is new to the lifestyle, so are
you. You have made plans, described your desires, created
patterns, discussed limits . . . but up till now it has
all been long distance, detached from reality. Now
what?
Here are a few simple
ideas. First. KIS or keep it simple. Prior to meeting for
a consensual play session de-emphasize your submissives
expectations, the more you build things up, the more
stress you place on your own performance and the less
directed focus you will be able to give to the
submissive. Additionally you may not have a 'Dom Kit',
(an assortment of toys, restraints, ropes
etc.).
You want to make this an
interesting, exciting, fulfilling experience for both of
you. Success is based not on how many toys you have, but
on how and what you do and why. Your submissive/slave's
primary need is attention. S/he desires an experience of
directed control.
(for the purposes of this
example I will assume both partners are lifestyle virgins
and that the arena of play is a small empty apartment of
one of them...)
WHAT YOU WILL NEED:
Training Collar (3 ring preference). Razor, shaving gel,
small bowl, small plastic bag.
OPTIONAL: Lined cuff's
for wrists and ankles. Two double ended latches (to
attach cuffs to other rings)
Find a comfortable place
to sit. "Assume
Spot"
You should use this
command to draw your submissive to a spot in front of
you. Use an even tone of voice. "Formal
Presentation Position"
This command tells your submissive that s/he is to remove
all clothing (have them undress in front of you if this
pleases you), fold their clothing neatly and place to the
side. They should be wearing your collar. If not you may
desire to perform a collaring ceremony. At this point you
may or may not have cuff's for them to wear on wrists and
ankles. If you do they should put these on and assume a
present position. The classical position is facing toward
the Dominant on their knees, the thighs opened as wide as
possible to display their genitals, the chest (breasts)
should be naked, and offered with a straight arched back,
shoulders back, hands on the thighs, palms cupped upward,
buttocks resting on the heels, chin up and eyes
respectfully lowered.
The 'order' of
presentation is Chest/breasts, Penis-scrotum/vagina, Anus
and Mouth. The submissive says "_________(owner's
name) slave or submissive (whichever), presents the
Mistress's or Master's body for her or his inspection.
Slave or submissive offers these 'your breasts, your
vagina . . . etc." You
should nod for each body part so offered, you may inspect
by touch if you wish. After each offering (your breasts),
you say "What
else do you offer?"
The sub/slave will then proceed to the next (your
vagina).
The purpose of this
training and presentation is to demonstrate and expose
offer the body, to reinforce the sub/slave as to their
position or status, reminds the sub/slave that their body
is owned by the Dominant and is for their usage,
entertainment and pleasure. Gives the Dominant an
opportunity to visually inspect the body for changes
(weight), injury, damage and the need for
maintenance.
Upon completion of this
inspection you may note that your new sub/slave is not
groomed to your satisfaction and decide that such
grooming should commence immediately. You will tell your
sub/slave "get
a safety razor, gel, a plastic bag a small bowl of water
and a towel." "GO!" The
sub/slave should rise gracefully and hustle to bring the
objects to you. Instruct the sub/slave to lay the plastic
bag down and assemble before you the bowl, gel and razor.
You then say "Down-back!"
This command is used to tell the sub/slave to lie down on
their back, (in general they will lie with legs together,
hands along sides head to one side. You can then use the
command "Open!"
This command is used to tell the sub/slave to open their
genitals to you (in any situation). At this point you may
commence shaving your sub/slave or you may instruct them
to groom in front of you. When they are cleaned to your
desire they should wipe off and upon approval from you
remove and dispose of the objects. They should then
return and assume your display position of choice. (you
can describe the position you desire prior to meeting so
your submissive can practice before a mirror).
"Display!"
At this point your
sub/slave should be mentally 'in the zone'. S/he is not
permitted open speech, argument, discussion or debate
over what you tell him/her to do. All negotiation of
limits occurs OUTSIDE the arena or prior to play. For
purposes of simplicity you may desire to call your
sub/slave simply "slave,
pet, slut, worm", and
your sub/slave should call you simply "Mistress,
Master, Ma'am, Sir"
you adjust this to your desire. The removal of a name
'objectifies' them and the usage of an honorific title
reinforces status between you.
The next thing is to
intensify their space. This is most easily done by the
removal of sight. Use a blindfold or scarf to simply and
easily do this. (from this point I will offer a simple
suggested scene - please feel free to elaborate or use it
merely for an example) You may have noted (at the least)
that your sub/slave was improperly groomed, they may also
have presented themselves crooked etc. (minor breeches)
These offer you an opportunity for in play discipline
training. You tell them to "present
for discipline" this
should be a position to offer you their buttocks for
spanking, this can be over your knee, across a chair,
table or bed. Their hands should be overhead in surrender
position, locked at throat if cuffed (away from area of
play). You can then have the sub/slave 'offer' a listing
of their errors, any not openly revealed and listed that
require you to bring up warrant double
discipline.
For each of these
offenses you allocate a number of 'swats', at the end of
each flurry your sub/slave should say "Thank
you Mistress/Master"
Since you cannot know the nature of the individuals skin
at this point you spank only to a level of color (always
try to avoid bruising - it limits further safe play).
This discipline session can be punctuated with commentary
from you, depending on if your sub/slave needs-desires
humiliation etc. At the end of this session your
sub/slave may be quite aroused. With male sub/slaves you
may desire to cross train by stroking the penis
intermittently during spanking - this trains the
submissive to associate the pleasure of arousal with the
application of pain. You then say "Open!"
Again this command orders your submissive to open their
genitals for your inspection. With a female you insert
fingers upon which you might verbally comment on what a
'slut' she is. With a male you discuss the size of his
offering. With a female you may desire for her to clean
your fingers after making them messy in her sloppy vagina
<grins>.
This is the conclusion of
part one.
CREATING
YOUR FIRST SCENE (2)
...continued from part
one
(Please read part
one before reading this section!)
WHAT YOU WILL NEED:
Sterile lubricant, three relatively gentle wooden
clothespins, a leash.
OPTIONAL: Latex
gloves,
While the sub/slave is in
discipline position you may desire to probe their anus as
well using the lubricated tip of one finger. With many
people this may be their first anal encounter, prior to
exploring this region ensure that you are completely
conversant with any medical conditions they may have
which might limit play here, in any case be gentle. It is
enjoyable to use language during such explorations. As an
example you might say something like "Do
you need to be used slave?"
or "What
a nasty slut you are!"
This may sound uncomfortably crude to you and it may be
quite difficult to deliver such language your first time.
You should remember that you are constantly creating a
scene or environment, one pleasurable to both of
you.
"Resume
kneel (or Display)" by
using this command your sub/slave should lift their body
and settle back onto their buttocks, you must
continuously be aware that they are blindfolded and to
some extent vulnerable to loss of balance. Be prepared to
assist them into position. They should again be offering
their genitals to you. It is a good time to stroke their
body. Use your hands to caress and massage them, be aware
that at this point their shoulders will already be
beginning to ache from a position they are not used to -
massage at and around the joints while talking to them
softly. Take your time to make the touch sensual. When
you have touched all of their torso and arms return to
their nipples and pinch them lightly.
After doing this several
times ask the sub/slave how many clothespins do you have.
The sub/slave may know if you have had them assemble and
present possible toys for use, if so they should
instantly answer "three
Mistress/Master!"If
you have assembled your toy's outside of their viewpoint
(a personal choice differing from individual to
individual and often depending on desired scenario) then
they will not know the answer in which case they should
say
"I do not know Mistress/Master."
Their responses should be prompt, humble and in a serious
tone of voice. Laughter during scene can be indicative of
nervousness and lack of respect as well as inexperience.
Any breech of protocol during scene should be instantly
reprimanded. "I
have three clothespins slave, what do you think I should
do with them?" such a
question is more to heighten the anxiety and excitement
in the sub/slave than to elicit an answer. You may
receive any number of interesting and funny answers.
After all - two clothespins are obvious - three are not
<grins>. (this is described by some people as a
mind fuck, it is an action to keep the sub/slave slightly
off balance) As play commences you may notice it becoming
more and more difficult for your sub/slave to answer you.
This is a normal condition which you should allow for,
you will learn the 'speed' of your sub/slave the more you
play with them.
Continuing to tweak the
sub/slaves nipples you should begin to pull and twist
them lightly. You can clamp them without notice or verbal
warning or you can have the sub/slave count down from say
ten. The initial clamping is painful, but the pain
subsides rather quickly. (For virgin players leave them
on no more than 7-8 minutes) Then you should have fun
with the "extra" clamp. You may decide to migrate
'testing' spots all over the sub/slaves body. Don't
forget to have them stick out their tongue for testing
too (somewhat more painful). As you proceed lower and
lower on their body you approach their vulnerable
genitals.
Every so often remember
to 'brush' the clamps on the nipples. This re-sensitizes
them and you will be rewarded with moans. At this point
your new sub/slave's knees will be getting tired too so
you know even if they do not that you are near the end of
this portion of your scene. Trail the loose clothespin
down the stomach and around the genitals. With a female
you may decide to clamp one of her labia lips (this is
generally not too painful) Do not clamp the clit on first
play - it can be extremely painful far too soon for many
sub/slaves. For a male slave you can pull out the skin on
his penis and clamp or move lower to clamp the skin of
his scrotum. You may sit back and say something like
"do
you like that pet?"
You may desire to brush all three clamps again to cause
them to moan again.
At this point you are
probably out of time with the nipple clamps. Do tell your
sub/slave "this
may hurt a little bit!"
This can be done while you are unclamping them. Note that
unclamping is the most painful part. Be careful to lift
the clamp free of the skin and not drag it. It may stick
and be indented and your sub may be moving. They may
scream lightly. After removing the second nipple clamp
you may massage the nipples lightly (this is quite
painful) for the blood is returning. Again you might say,
"oh .
. . does that hurt?"
"Oh,
I almost forgot, there is one clamp left isn't
there...?" Since the
third clamp has only been on a shorter time you might
brush it a few times allowing your sub/slaves anxiety
over its removal to increase. When you know they are near
their limit reach down so they know you are going to
release the clamp. Again be careful to separate the clamp
from the skin with your fingers - the touch will be
uncomfortable to their tender skin but much better than
any tears in the skin itself. After the initial shock of
removal has subsided move immediately to alter their
position.
Unclip their wrist cuffs
from the collar if so attached. Lower the arm very slowly
with your hands, massage the muscles and make sure their
mobility returns in a normal way. Do the same with the
other arm. Now it is time to get them off their
knees.
The scene to this point
may have taken nearly 1.5 hours. Your sub/slave may need
to go to the bathroom, they may have difficulty walking
or standing. Attach a leash to their collar. You may
order them to "crawl"
In general this command can be used for full belly crawl
or knee/palm crawl. Be careful of furniture for they are
blind, if the floor is dirty you may comment to them that
until it is cleaned properly they will be led in a crawl
at all times for it's condition displeases you. This is a
way of cross-training - an opportunity.
The bathroom offers a new
arena for continuing play. If you are in your submissives
home and it is untidy or unclean it can be unsanitary and
unpleasant. A strong indication from you on your
expectations of cleanliness can be reinforced by forcing
your new sub/slave to crawl through the untidiness. If
you are in your home and it is untidy then you are
subjecting them to unwarranted cruelty. You can tell them
that in future prior to play you expect them to attend to
household cleanliness. The sub/slave must have a
reasonable expectation of playing in a safe, clean
environment. It depends on your desired realm of future
contact.
(note that every
situation is different, your language and choices will
vary depending on both you, your sub/slave and the
conditions where you play!)
This is the conclusion of
part two.
CREATING
YOUR FIRST SCENE (3)
continued from part
two
(Please read parts
one and two prior to reading this section)
WHAT YOU WILL NEED: Good
antibacterial soap, washcloth.
OPTIONAL: Safe sex items
if your play proceeds into that area, remember to include
dental dam's, condom's etc.
(The bathroom and
indeed the intimacies of attending maintenance can
provide opportunities different from any other space. For
reasons of safety and health I will limit the scene here
to observation and direction only.)
"Stand or
Informal Display"
this command tells your sub/slave to rise from the crawl
position to stand. Their feet should be spread shoulder
width apart, arms behind back crossed at wrists,
shoulders up and back, chin lifted. (It resembles the
common 'parade rest' military position.) Again,
remembering that s/he is blindfolded you may wish to
direct them into a better position. You can do this
easily by saying "Right
step . . . right step . . . stop Pivot . . . forward
etc." Your sub/slave
will be quite nervous and probably terribly embarrassed.
You should tell them in advance of meeting that you might
'require' them to provide service maintenance performance
under observation and direction. (Maintenance means to
maintain your (sub/slaves) body to your standards,
including cleanliness, grooming and
evacuation.)
With a female sub/slave
you will have had her sit upon the commode.
"Open!"
This command tells her to open her genitals. Her knees
should open as wide as possible in the space. Again you
might offer commentary on how wet she is, usage of
language often enhances the intensity of the play
experience for both players. "Open
wider!" This command
can be used to tell your sub/slave to reach between her
legs and open her vagina wider using her fingers. (If you
have a strong desire to complete this type of sequence
then you may have instructed your sub/slave to drink a
large quantity of water, soda or tea prior to the scene
time <smiles>) Assuming that your sub/slave is
'needing release', you may decide on a simple release
"release!"
or you may tell her to "release
and stop!" This is a
bedevil command <smiles>, once trained it can be
enormously fun. IF your sub/slave can manage to stop flow
you might tell her to stimulate her clit using one finger
and continue while you turn 'on and off' the tap
"release
and stop!"<grins>.
(Note: many female sub/slaves can learn this easily and
come enormously hard by releasing both sensations at the
same time. It does take practice but that practice can be
fun.)
With a male sub/slave you
will position him in front of the commode. Again two
obvious choices present themselves. You can elect to
handle his penis yourself, not allowing him to touch it
(often forbidden during scene). Or, you can tell him to
hold his penis in hand. Remember that he is blindfolded
and cannot see the target <grins>. You can instruct
him that he is positioned exactly in front of the commode
and that he is not to make a mess by splashing onto
anything else. If so you will command him to stop and
adjust position (as many times as it takes to get it
right). Note that it is very hard for males to stop and
start flow. Again use the command "release!"
Your sub/slave may release, may miss and may be unable to
stop <grins>. If so you can direct the angle by
saying something like "to
the right . . . more . . . more"
This can be entertaining and humiliating. You should tell
your sub/slave in advance of meeting that you might
require this from them so that there is some mental
preparation. When completed, if he has made a mess you
should tell him that he needs further training to correct
his directional control problems and that he has now
earned the task of thoroughly cleaning the bathroom
area.
This can commence
immediately or be saved for a later time at your
discretion. After this section of the scene you may
commend your new sub/slave on how pleased you are with
their efforts to please you. You should have them wash
their hands thoroughly using a good antibacterial soap.
You may also desire for them to provide further
maintenance by thoroughly washing their genitals in front
of you. If so you should remove the blindfold to allow
them to see what they are doing clearly. At this point
you may be desiring some personal attention from your
sub/slave. You lead them back into the room using the
leash to your position of choice, generally
sitting.
If you are a male
dominant you may desire to have your sub/slave remove
portions of your clothing. (Many Dominants get strongly
sexually aroused during play and this article presumes
the prior full consent of both adults.) At this point you
may have your sub/slave "worship"
This command tells the sub/slave to 'kiss only' a
designated portion of the Dominant's body (and sometimes
clothing like boots on Domme's). The sub/slave continues
worship until told to stop. If this activity is expected
to take a long time then you should first tell your
sub/slave "rest
position" This
command indicates to them that they are not required to
assume a formal position during worship but may be in a
more comfortable position to better service their
Mistress/Master. The command "relaxed"
is also sometimes used.
From this point the
Dominant may desire full sexual contact or the 'scene'
may be over. For the purposes of this article I will end
this section here.
Following this section is
a summary - please take the time to read it
carefully!
CREATING
YOUR
FIRST SCENE
SUMMARY
This summary should be
read after all other sections have been read.
This scene was designed
to be simple, affordable, easy to understand and execute.
It was created to show a variety of common situations,
how to handle them through language, command and
direction.
WHAT
IF?
What if
your sub/slave becomes emotionally distraught during the
scene?
If your sub/slave becomes
distraught at any time 'in scene' or out then you should
cease all activity, offer comfort and attempt to discover
what triggered their outburst. If they need medical
attention - get it!
What if
your sub/slave becomes injured during the scene, faints,
has a heart attack, etc.?
The safety and health of
the submissive/slave is the Dominant's primary concern.
If at any time that is in question immediately seek help.
A Dominant should request a good medical briefing on all
aspects of their sub/slaves health prior to agreeing to
any play, and they should have a good working knowledge
of the closest medical facility to the location of the
scene. And, they should know their sub/slave's medical
insurance info in case their sub/slave is incapacitated
and cannot speak for themselves.
Why did
the Dominant not use a belt?
Many submissive/slaves
emerge from backgrounds of abuse - often they have strong
associations with a belt and many other common objects.
Discovering such triggers 'in scene' is very traumatic
for both dominant and submissive. Ample discussions of
any prior abuse should occur before any thought of play
commences.
Why does
the scene appear somewhat sterile and cold? Is there no
romance possible between the Dominant and
submissive?
During a scene a level of
detachment is often necessary on the part of the Dominant
to 'carry off' the nature of the scene and roles. This
'gap' can seem cold in some ways but often it is merely
the Dominant remaining very very aware of every detail
ongoing in the scene. This is important for the safety
and enjoyment of the submissive as well. Many submissives
enjoy and desire the objectification and feeling of
usage. They want, need and totally desire to feel under
control!!
Romantic tending,
nurturing and care exchange should occur pre-scene and
may include stage setting such as candles, low lights,
soft music, food, drinks and foreplay in many other
forms.
What
happens after the scene?
After any scene the
sub/slave will require ample aftercare. This is cuddling,
nurturing, caressing and comforting words. The Dominant
should express language of the level of their pleasure in
the sub/slave's efforts during scene and compliment them.
There should be ongoing touching and reassurance, a
demonstration of the deep value the Dominant places in
their sub/slaves offering or gift. This aftercare can
take many hours depending on the depth of the
scene.
What
should the Dominant do if the sub/slave does not obey the
commands?
Some sub/slave's desire
to resist. Prior to any scene at any time the Dominant
and the sub/slave should set up a safe word and have a
thorough discussion of known limits. IF during the scene
the sub/slave yells out no! And, knowing that their safe
word is really "red",
then the Dominant knows that the sub/slave wishes or is
asking to be further disciplined in scene. Please note
that force is impossible. BDSM is about Safe, Sane and
Consensual play between legal adults. The usage of the
safe word allows the sub to 'get out' of scene if they
are in real trouble. The usage of disobedience as part of
play is not an example of abuse or force. The Dominant
and submissive should discuss this in detail prior to
commencing play. If such activity occurs then the
Dominant may "dismiss"
the disobedient sub/slave ending the scene or
"discipline"
through encouragement via swats if so agreed and desired
by both.
