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ETIQUETTE ~ The forms required by good breeding or prescribed by authority or direction to be displayed, observed and implemented in social or public life. Observance and acknowledgment of a structure which produces identifications of rank, status, hierarchy requiring expressions of conventional behavior decorum as prescribed by strict rule and custom relating to the differences within the behavior based upon the relationship of the individual to those of other rank and status. The rules of accepted formal etiquette standards are complex. When approaching issues of etiquette within a sub-society such as BDSM it becomes perhaps more important to understand the existing basics of general etiquette and manners first. Manners can be viewed to be the desire to please or express a generosity of self and spirit blended seamlessly with common sense, practicality and knowledge which aids us in our actions toward others. Manners (etiquette) essentially emerges from a desire to express thought and care toward others, service to others. We use etiquette and manners to celebrate traditions, reinforce rituals, highlight ceremonies, eliminate friction, add balance or neutrality by expressing the fundamental belief that the rights, traditions and belief's of others will be held in esteem and be considered of value regardless or perhaps because of the differences between those belief's held by others and the belief's held by the self. The inability to embrace these forms of social flexibility can create atmospheres of anger, disapproval, conflict, hatred and even warfare or other expressions of violence and assault. Etiquette was developed as a means of breaching differences to reach a place of communication where the beginnings of understanding become possible. As our world inevitably shrinks people are beginning to communicate across borders, countries, customs, traditions, and religions in increasing numbers. An international 'workplace' is no longer an unusual workplace. The Internet has created a vast border crossing that allows each cyber visitor to communicate with human beings from all walks of life, creeds, cultures, racial and ethnic backgrounds, social and sexual diversities. The role of etiquette and manners has not 'declined' with these advancements but become perhaps even more crucial. Each individual has the unique right to determine based on their 'actions' how they will present themselves on the world stage. Each can elect to comport themselves with dignity and grace, or can choose to display conduct unbecoming by expressing the fear and hatreds common to their personal upbringing. Some people would like to remove the 'rules of etiquette' from existence in today's societies. There has always been a suggestion that 'etiquette' is taught by the wealthy, for the wealthy, that it is of no direct value to people who are not wealthy and may in fact be detrimental to people in that actions of etiquette can be perceived to be elitist, snobbish or 'putting on airs'. Etiquette does not tend to be recognized to be a simple tool of behavior and personal management of actions. Control of behavior and management of action are two of the base fundamentals of leadership. In historical terms it is unquestionably true that leadership (of countries) has often emerged from the wealthiest of society. However the skills of leadership are not 'inherent' skills but can be taught and learned successfully by almost anyone. It is important to remember that not everyone desires to be successful or the leader of a company or large group of people, but almost everybody does desire to be successful, competent and able to lead their small sphere and especially their family into a healthy, happy and successful future. By embracing basics of behavior structure, management of outbursts is expanded and flexibility in adapting to new and different situations is enhanced producing more competent and able offspring, and a more productive and successful life. To learn the basic forms of etiquette begins by obtaining a comprehensive book on etiquette. I do suggest Emily Post and often encourage 'open readings' of passages from within the book as a discipline technique for infractions involving behavior acting out for set periods of time. In this way the individual is actively learning a new skill which may tend to aid that individual in solving underlying issues which manifest as behavior problems throughout their lives. In addition, as a dominant, I have found that 'listening' to such readings is often humorous and personally enlightening. Reading and 'hearing' involve different processes within the mind, such 'readings' inevitably teach me something new or add a layer of insight or consideration that perhaps I may have ignored or forgotten about. It is interesting to note that some of the more 'famous' finishing schools in Europe are said to have emerged from 'Academies of Discipline'. These houses were purported to be 'schools' teaching the intricacies of interrogation when such skills were used by reigning royal families to elicit information out of unwilling persons. When the practices of torture receded the families who ran these Academies appear to have adapted to more modern times into what we call today 'finishing' schools which include instruction on how to manage countries, companies, and within the home environment, servants effectively and properly. |
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